I was sitting on the ocean's shore,
at the very edge of the island.
All day my soul was aching;
it was trying to tell me something.
All day a tempest was raging,
a hot rain was falling, bringing down the trees.
It seemed the ocean would engulf the island.
Suddenly everything became still.
I understood why I was in such pain all day.
For many weeks my soul had journeyed
through the book of the fates of people
who had become dear to me on this island...
Unceasingly I leaf through these pages,
every time I begin again with
the first page.
This boy here
was the eldest child in a provincial merchant's family.
The boy was born in 1917. Here he is already eight...
Perhaps there was something unusual about him,
For he came to love reading at a very early age...
In his childhood years he was often ill,
and because of this he grew up shy and lonely.
His illness perplexed his doctors,
and they were amazed when he recovered as if he had done this on his own.
Then the boy began to write poetry.
The family was not small with four children
and a lot of love.
At 13, he was sent to business school.
The eldest son is the one to inherit the father's business...
While studying business he finds time to create his own
handwritten literary magazine.
He admires this young man,
the writer Kaizan Nakazato.
Over and over, the boy reads his novel on the lives of people.
And even makes himself a handwritten copy.
He is 17 years old
when his mother's life comes to an end.
He continues his studies at university,
now immersing himself in
Asian history
and completely turns away from the businessman's path.
He reads Dostoyevsky, Chekhov and Tolstoy for the first time.
At the time, his homeland had become powerful enough
to test its strength in the battle for world domination.
How sad it was...
They had been given so much.
The nation was prospering... And yet there
was this strange, volatile desire.
He acts in accordance with the general trend:
he gives himself to the state. Gratuitously. Entirely.
His life, his aspirations, his knowledge, his books...
He completes his education in history early
and voluntarily joins the ranks of the kamikaze.
Why does he make this decision? I do not know.
He is stationed on a small island, were everyone comes to love him.
He is 27 years old, and yet people call him "father".
He is tactful and polite.
He continues to read books on Asian history
and, while remaining in command of a kamikaze suicide squad,
keeps coming closer to his own death.
Fishermen and peasants live on this island.
Children study at school. An orderly and meaningful life.
It is here that he meets this girl. A schoolteacher.
A delicate, innocent creature.
Her name is Miho.
They stay on the ocean shore,
they spend hours watching the skies.
They are silent.
They do not touch one another.
Things proceed as in a novel, with the resolution approaching...
He receives orders for a sacrificial deed.
She runs out to the shore to kill herself.
For this she has a dagger.
He will die for the state, she - for her love of a man.
But a messenger runs to the shore, to tell
that the war is over. Sacrifices are called off.
Afterward, simple joy:
children are born to them. A son, a daughter...
They live humbly.
He teaches at the university. He writes... As best he can.
He begins to be published.
One day, for some reason, his wife reads his diary...
After a few lines, she realises that
he has another woman...
She loses her sanity.
The year is 1954...
He moves into the mental asylum,
and lives with her in a ward with bars at the windows.
During her attacks of madness, he embraces her closely.
He reads the Bible aloud to her,
prays and makes her pray...
At times he himself is on the brink of insanity.
Then he, too, undergoes treatment.
From time to time
he receives word of the sufferings of his
children, who know and see everything.
Maya becomes mute forever
and her body stops developing.
Now he understands how to go on with life.
After the hospital he relocates his
family to that remote southern island
where his wife was born...
Where they first met.
He fervently believes in the inevitabile
healing of his spiritual wounds...
He sits down at his table and begins to write.
She is with him.
She copies and edits his manuscripts,
and starts to write her own.
His renown grows.
Happiness returns.
Titles of some of his works:
"The sting of death"... "In search of shadow"...
"Lonely voyager."
"Happiness and sorrow of the far island."
"Diary of dreams."
"Amid the past."
"From the depth of oblivion."
"Among ghostly times"...
In 1986 a stroke suddenly took his life.
Mother,
why did you go away?
At the time,
I could not believe it
I could not believe it all.
When mother was no more,
I went to the grave every night
and cried in hopes of seeing
Mother's ghost.
But I did not see it.
Father, at the time you wanted to go with me too.
You wanted to visit the grave with me every night.
But, lacking the strength,
you told me then to go alone
and meet with mother for you.
Our parting was sudden,
and because of this very, very painful...
painful, painful, painful!
Truly painful.
But father and I, we lived through it.
I wanted to bury mother in the garden
and sit by her side my whole life.
Father had said I could do just that...
In life anything is possible, is that not so?
In life many different things happened,
some of which were burdensome,
but the most difficult to bear came to me just then.
But father and I, we lived through this.
I did not think that I could live without mother.
Though mother is no more,
I have lived
and am living to this day.
In life many different things happened,
some of which were burdensome.
But the heaviest burden came
to me just then:
the death of my mother...
But I lived through it.
Every night
every night, I went to the grave
and sat there, speaking my mother's name until dawn.
"You're going away?
"Leaving me?
"Yes, i'm leaving.
"For I am thinking of you...
"But it's hard for me to leave,
"It's hard for me to even breathe..."
People from our island often recalled
that my father was a descendant of an ancient samurai clan.
He would don a kimono
even in the summer.
He had such a majestic appearance
in the outfit,
that it was easy to take him for
a high-ranking samurai.
And yet he was very kind.
Just like mother, he never raised his voice.
And behaved with dignity
toward me, my mother and other people.
Why were mother and father so kind?
Even for those as happy as mother
and father, comes the hour of parting.
"Your wife has passed away."'
When the doctor uttered these words
my father stared for a long time at my mother's serene face,
and then stood up in silence
and walked away.
I began to worry and I started to watch him secretly.
You sat in the drawing room,
In front of the sword which decorated the niche in the wall.
Then, with a completely ashen face, you
whispered "my life, too, has ended."'
I had never heard these words of doom
in such a voice from you before.
It must have been agonising,
but you did not cry.
How was it that you could keep
this pain within yourself,
never shedding a single tear?
Seeing father's grief, I remembered
for the rest of my life
that one must fight despair.
That night the moon was beautiful.
I was sitting on the terrace, looking
at the moon and thinking
when suddenly my father appeared
and touching my shoulder lightly, behind me,
he said "Miho, come over here!"
You took me by the hand and with your
other hand took the sword
and sitting down before the altar
decorated with mother's photograph,
you said, "Miho, listen closely! Listen
with all your heart!"
Then you said, "Miho, look closely
at your mother's photograph!"
Then you placed the sword in front
of you and asked,
"Is it true that you are listening
to me closely? May I speak?'
You continued,
"Miho! You must travel to Kobe!
"You are no doubt in torment, thinking about me,
"and you don't want to leave me
"but, you have other duties,
"everything is much simpler.
"More than anything, mother and father
"want Miho to be happy."
Saying this you clasped my hand tightly
"More than anything in this world,
"parents want their children to be happy.
"For the happiness of their children, parents are ready to do anything."
This is what you said.
"To willfully abandon a life given by God
"is a great sin.
"But father is ready, for the sake of Miho's happiness,
"to disobey God, and he is not afraid,
"to burn in hell eternally for it.
"I'm saying this, having thought it out very carefully.
"Therefore, you must fulfil
"your promise to your fiance,
"regardless of the anguish of our parting.
"Miho, if you, in thinking about me,
"refuse to leave
"then father will kill himself
"with this very sword.
"I ask you, Miho, to not regret anything
"and to go to Kobe.
"Because if Miho does not decide to go,
"father will take his own life."'
Having said this, you stared resolutely
into my eyes.
Thanks be to you, father!
If you had not directed me then as you did
I probably would not have gone to Kobe.
And maybe by now I would have been
Iiving a completely different life.
But you made me listen to reason,
having put your life at stake.
Heeding your words, I decided to go to Kobe
where I began to live the life
I lead to this day.
What a strange thing this life is...
Maya, you've come...
Maya, I'm wearing a kimono today.
You're not used to it?
Does it suit me?
Is it beautiful?
Yes! Thank you.
It has been a long time since I put on a kimono, hasn't it?
Is there something you don't like?
Maya, you are my life!
Thanks to you, my every day is joyful.
You've always helped me,
and for this I'm grateful to you.
I'm happy with you every day
I have many shortcomings, but please be patient with me.
You have a very warm heart.
Let's be together.
I need to work...
Very well, I'll go work,
and you'll feed the bird.
How painful it is.
Where did I go wrong?
At the age of 10, Maya fell ill,
so ill that she became mute.
Oh, Lord! Where did I go wrong?
Was my sin in word or in deed?
Lord, why are you sending Maya
through such ordeals?
Poor Maya!
She has become so accustomed to her own silence.
Do I understand her sorrow enough?
Once I asked her,
"life is hard, isn't it, Maya?'
To which she smiled and wrote me on a piece of paper
"I'm as strong as my mother.
"Even more."
Maya cannot speak.
It must be very difficult for her.
Maya always comforts me.
I must love Maya, my daughter,
I must try to understand her more.
Profoundly, with all my heart
Maya's trials are her cross
to bear for life.
But Maya is strong, very strong.
Maya is strong! Am I?
I love my child dearly and passionately.
My love is so strong
that it knows no bounds.
How shall I go living?
How shall I continue living?
Of course, there will be further joy
and affection in life.
Pages from the life of the family
of the Japanese writer
TOSHIO SHIMAO (1917-1986)
MIHO SHIMAO
MAYA SHIMAO
A film by Alexander Sokurov
Camera KOSHIRO OTSU
Sound SERGEI MOSHKOV
Video editors ALEXEI JANKOWSKI SERGEI IVANOFF
English subtitles by KIRILL GALETSKI
QUEST (Tokyo, Japan) BEREG (St.Petersburg, Russia)
A.Sokurov